Our kind and generous neighbor, Jean, was giving mama a dozen eggs from his (slurp, slurp) chickens (just kidding—I wouldnd’t touch one of those giant red hens with a ten-foot spading fork—make that a rake; I don’t like words that sound like spay…well, you know) and he put them in a red plastic bucket and then handed them up to our garden with a thing he uses to do that, then he suddenly pointed out that a big, white seagull was sitting on the roof next door, just watching us with his little beady seagull eyes.
One: I don’t like seagulls except when the soar over the sea, where they belong or are in a good story.
Two: They wake me up here and in Rome and screech like banshees while they fly around crazily and dive at people and poop on tourists and have not a brain in their feathered heads.
Three: This guy has something on his little pea mind because he sits up there and stares most of the day until he swoops down, almost into our little garden and I run like hell because he scares the devil out of me when he does that and I think he’s after me!
But—he’s not. He’s after my good friends, the tourtourelles who are making eggs and trying to raise a little family in our lemon tree and my friend, Jean, says that he will wait until the eggs are hatched and then EAT the BABIES!!!
Can you imagine a worse scenario in springtime with all the catnip growing (for me to roll in) and all the little tomatoes coming up and all the birdies (dumb as they may be) chirping their little hearts out and then this guy shows up and terrorizes the whole neighborhood?
Well, I don’t like bullies and next time he swoops, I’m gonna stand on my hind legs and put out my claws and we’ll see just what is what when he swoops too low…heh, heh. He’s gonna have a busted beak if he messes with my love birds.
Anyway, most bullies are just asking for someone to slap them on the nose, like that cousin of mine, the Cowardly Lion, who went around growling at every one and no one would stop him until Dorothy gave him a good paw to the schnoz, and this gull is about to get the same thing!
SEAGULLS, WATCH OUT!
