Posted by on Apr 6, 2013 | 6 comments

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I’ve been patiently staring at mama and papa with my big round eyes, ready for the hunt, which could be disconcerting to mama but she never seems to think it’s out of the ordinary for a kitty to stare when she’s hungry and besides, there was a little incident some months ago that sharpened mama’s reactions to a nervous, hungry kitty.

I didn’t mean it.

And can I help it if I put my claws out when I think I’m being attacked? I wasn’t being attacked but mama made a sudden move next to me and I whacked out with my claw and caught her in a small vein or something because she got really sick and had fever and finally called the doc and learned that you have to take antibiotics RIGHT AWAY for a deep cat scratch. She hit the bed and stayed there for a day and a night and got better immediately after the drugs kicked in, and I felt pretty bad about the whole mistake,

But we all make mistakes, even kitties. We’re just not sure what mistake was what, whereas humans think they know what mistake was what, but the truth is, they often are just in the same soup as kitties. What did I do? Where did I go wrong? Why is my mama looking at me that way when all I did was try to help her make the bed and put my claws through the antique sheets she just bought for the price of say, fifty organic cat food patés, which left me with that commercial stuff that has my picture on the cover, which is why she bought it in the first place, but actually, it’s really tasty and sort of like a jellied terrine of whatever—sardines, whitefish, salmon?

I eat pretty well because mama and papa did some research on the internet (a place that can be as dangerous as a pit bull if you don’t know how to use it—it can get into your system and rot your brain and fill your head full of things you never knew existed and then didn’t want to after you saw them).

So when humans go wrong, they really blow it, while kitties rip a little sheet or curtain here and there or hook a thread in a sweater or knock a dish off the kitchen counter trying to get into the little cat food pouch that mama left out, thinking her kitty was ethical and more well-behaved than others. Like those little terrors Luna and Sushi (what a dumb name for a cat like me) who jumped all over the place and did things at night that I just know went unseen and unpunished.

Most kitties scratch people when people aren’t being nice.

Just like humans